San Francisco Part II: I’m not a fucking tourist

Seriously, I’m not. I used to go to these places when I lived in SF. So on our second day in the city we went to a few places that might be considered touristy. Shut the fuck up. I’ll go where I want. We went on Friday ‘cause I’m sure as hell not going anywhere near Fisherman’s Wharf on the weekend. First we hit the Maritime Museum, which was a little closed, or moving, or anyway not in the same building it used to be. But the outdoor part was nautical and interesting.  They had boats. And a little house that goes on top of a boat. With a trapdoor. I would like to live there.

Can you shanghai yourself?

Look, boats!

Then we went to the Musee Mechanique (Mechanical Museum), which is one of my top five favorite places in the entire world. It has hundreds of nickelodeons, diorama boxes, player pianos, photobooths and video games dating back to the turn of the century. Oh yeah, the last one.

It's super-hot. You can see full ankle.

Why thanks, I think I will!

Unfortunately it was infested with tourists, many of whom wore matching neon-green shirts handily identifying them as “The Tenlers.” This was especially helpful for speedy elimination after I realized that “The Tenlers” had broken all of the photobooths. Fuck you, Tenlers.

However, there was still plenty to see. Like this diorama of an English execution.

You can't see it, but that guy is totally getting executed.

And this. Which is some sort of macabre graveyard scene inside a fabulous box.

In the 50's, wasn't a "Working Model" a hooker?

And this toothpick carnival.

It's a Toothpick Carnival!

With a train. Which was not made of toothpicks. Cheaters.

Not a Toothpick Train

And of course this intense staring contest between two buffalo.

That buffalo is going to fuck UP that other buffalo.

The Mechanical Museum has some really excellent items. There are 2 large table dioramas. One is a farm, which for some reason I didn’t get any pictures of this time, and the other is a carnival. I LOVE it. It has a ferris wheel and a merry-go-round and a midway, and for a mere quarter you get to see all the sights.

Step right up, bitches!

That's right, it's a Miniature Photobooth. How could I not love it?

Then there is the Opium Den. In my opinion it’s the gem of the collection. It’s about 100 years old.

The Opium Den

These guys look friendly and innocent, right?

It's like fucking Mayberry up in there.

But when you put a dime in the slot, the true nature of the scene is revealed! The table flips over to reveal an opium set-up, and if you’ll notice, a skeleton comes out of the closet and the Hideous Serpent of Evil or Drugs or The Orient or whatever comes out of the, um, other closet.

Woooah... Who knew?

So after ascertaining the photobooth situation we made our way (through a pile of Tenlers) to the really unbearable part of the Wharf which is unfortunately where they keep the fabulous 60-year-old quick seafood stands, and got crabs. Not really, we had shrimp, but we were trying to make you feel better about your little problem.

Sorry for the unpleasant reminder

More to come…

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This entry was posted in Covetable, Drugs, Hookers, Liz, Murderous Rage, Sara, Super-Awesome, Travelogue, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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