The Oregon Goddamn State Fair

There are ways to go to the state fair and there are ways not to go to the state fair. All things considered, I think we made the right choice. Although I did end up taking a lot of unnecessary pictures of cows.

Moo, Bitches

And a few of pigs. But the pigs turned against me and started to riot and I had to flee to the goat pavilion. Or maybe I just got a little freaked out because they’re HUGE. And then Liz reminded me that they eat people. Maybe I watch too much Deadwood.

This Pig Is Clearly Hungry For Human Flesh

I have not been to the Oregon State Fair since I was 15. So, for about 7 years. Guess what? It’s almost exactly the same. Except no feathered roach clips.

Can You Believe This Guy Didn't Have Feathered Roachclips?

Don't Be Stupid. It's A Banana Stand. Why Would They Have Roachclips?

It’s like an alternate universe where everything is exactly like it was in 1987 except there are no feathered roach clips. And this time your mom’s not there to tell you that you can’t get an airbrushed neck tattoo.

Thug Life

So we ate a corndog and some shaved ice, ‘cause we’re Americans.

Get Your Corndog Out Ma Face. I Got Mine.

It Looks Like She Likes Him, But She's Just Bossing Him Around

But Liz and I had a Higher Purpose. You know what the best thing is about having an ever-increasing Hispanic population in Oregon? I mean besides pissing off old white people. One can now get corn-on-the-cob with queso at the Oregon State Fair. Aw yeah.

Her Corn

My Corn

I also tried a funnel cake, on very strict instructions. My verdict? Meh. It’s no corn-on-the-cob with queso.

Speaking of pavilions (and we are speaking of pavilions), we also wandered over to the American Handicrafts Pavilion and checked out the requisite canning, quilting and abnormal vegetable displays.

Nice Eggplant

They also had blue-ribbon pies.

Mmmm, Floor Pie.

And cake vaginas.

Put Some Underpants On! Jeez!

And of course some things really never change.

Just 2 Questions!

The Republican Party Would Like To Give You A Gun.

Here was the best part though.

No, silly. Not the chicken.


The fair-lift. That’s right, You can now sit on a rickety ski-lift and be flown jerkily across the entire length of the fairgrounds! And once you get over the fact that you might die, you notice that you can see everything!

Yup, That's A Fair All Right.

Like a giant pig!

Really, How Much Bigger Do They Need to Be?

Or 1954!

And then the sky went all “Something Wicked This Way Comes” so we took some pictures.

And in closing, The Fair has some advice for you about your manners.

Behave Yourself

This entry was posted in Outings, Sara, Super-Awesome, Travelogue, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Oregon Goddamn State Fair

  1. Paige says:

    That movie scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. I still have a fascination with fairs and carnivals though.

  2. erin says:

    i obviously missed this post when it published. what’s your prob with the FUNNEL CAKE?! you cannot compare funnel cake – a sweet dessert-like pastry (okay, tube-crossin’ donut) – with fucking corn on the cob doused in cheese whiz, a savory/salty pebble stick.

    • Well, the funnelcake is really just fried dough, and when it comes down to it I guess I’d rather have a cruller. Or a beignet. Mmmm. I can see it being good if it were homemade and had real fruit on it or something, but it just wasn’t my thing. I think I like my fried dough more soft and less spidery extrusion. Although it is kind of cool looking.

      Oh, and the corn doesn’t have cheez whiz, they put butter and salt and pepper and Mexican queso fresco on it and then put it back in the roaster. I do it at home that way sometimes and it’s grand.

    • But I did try it for you, Erin-pie.

      • erin says:

        i wonder if you might enjoy the elephant ear more then. that’s just a big floppy piece of dough. it’s softer and usually comes sprinkled in cinnamon sugar. i will admit the funnel cake has to be made well or else it’s a dried out lace shell.

  3. I think I love elephant ears. I say “think” because I don’t believe I’ve had one since I was about 14, but we used to get them at Saturday Market when I was a kid. So yes. Elephant ears yum. And since you live roughly in the neighborhood, I shall mention Tulip Bakery in St. Johns. Their doughnut holes are like beautiful clouds of sugar-glazed delight. Go there.

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